Duke Wen of Jin
Three Stages Back
Pay the debt first, then see whether they keep coming
Zuo Commentary, Duke Xi, years 23 and 28
You are about to fall out with someone you owe, and you want to give ground first. Is backing off the same as losing?
What actually happened?
In exile in Chu, Chong'er was feasted by King Cheng, who asked how he would repay him. If I get back to Jin, Chong'er said, and our armies meet, I will fall back three stages. If that is not enough, I will take up bow and whip and meet you. Years later the armies met at Chengpu. The Chu general pressed forward and Jin withdrew. An officer called it a disgrace. Zifan said: we fall back three stages to repay them. Chu kept coming and was routed.
Pay what you owe in front of both armies
Zifan's reckoning was plain: without Chu's kindness they would not be here. To take the kindness, break their word and face Chu anyway would put Jin in the wrong. Ninety li of retreat paid the debt in public. After that, the right was on Jin's side.
Competing with the old employer who helped you start out? Settle what you owe them openly before you bid against them.
Falling back asks whether they will follow
Zifan said: if we withdraw and Chu goes home, what more do we want? If they don't, then the ruler has retreated and the subject pursued, and the fault is theirs. The Chu troops wanted to stop. Their general would not.
At a deadlock, give up one point and see whether they stop. If they push on, everyone at the table sees who doesn't want a deal.
Decide how far before you set out
At the feast he said two things: first I fall back three stages, then, if that is not enough, I fight. The retreat had a limit, and at the limit it stopped. The officer who called it a disgrace had heard only the first half.
Before a falling-out with a partner, know how far you will give, and ideally say it to their face.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: about to clash with someone who once helped you, wanting to back off first and afraid that backing off means losing.
Ask first: What do I owe him, and will this step pay it? How far back will I go, and does he know where that line is?
Where it goes wrong: the retreat worked because Jin could afford it, with a whole army ninety li behind. If one step back leaves you nothing, that is not repaying a debt, it is giving up the ground. And having retreated once is no licence for whatever you do next.
Lines to keep
We fall back three stages to repay them.
An army in the right is strong; in the wrong, it is spent.
Take their kindness, break our word and face them: we are wrong.
Same situation, other people are asking
Neither of us will be the one to back down.He meant it. Do I still let it go?Neither of us will give an inch and we both need to get past.He has gone quiet on me and I don't know what to say.It turned into a fight · all 10 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.