Lin Huiyin
Weeping for Heng
When someone close dies for a great cause, you do not have to say the noble words
Lin Huiyin, Weeping for My Third Brother Heng (1944)
Someone close dies for a great cause. Everyone says glory; you only want to cry. How did Lin Huiyin write about her brother?
What actually happened?
Lin Huiyin's younger brother Lin Heng was a fighter pilot, killed in an air battle over Chengdu in 1941. Three years later, in the village of Lizhuang, she wrote a long poem for him. It begins by admitting she has no language fit for the age to mourn him. She grants the heroism, and also writes of obsolete planes and a death too early. Near the end she asks herself: since I understand it all, why am I still crying for you?
Admit there are no ready words
She did not reach for the usual phrases about dying for the country. She began by saying she had no fitting language. Borrowed phrases cannot hold your own share of it; admit you have none, and what follows can be true.
A friend's father has died. Skip the set phrase and say: I don't know what to say, but I'm here.
Glory and grievance can be said together
She called his heroism the poetry of the age, and also wrote that his plane was clumsy and slow and his chances cruel. Both were true. She wrote both, and did not delete one to keep the other.
A colleague collapsed from overwork. You can honour his effort and still say he should not have carried it alone.
Understanding does not end grief
She knew exactly why he died: for the happiness of many to come, for China's history. Still she asked why she wept, and answered: he was only a boy and kept nothing for himself. Grief need not vanish once you understand.
Your grandmother died peacefully at ninety, and you still cry folding her slippers.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: someone important died for a great cause, everyone says glory and worth, and you cannot say it.
Ask first: can the ready-made words hold what I feel? Am I allowing myself only one of glory and grievance?
Where it goes wrong: using 'I understand now' to forbid yourself grief. She understood everything and still wept.
Lines to keep
Brother, I have no language fit for this age to mourn your death.
China must still go forward; the night is waiting for the dawn.
Same situation, other people are asking
Everyone is waiting to see me grieve properly.She's gone. What am I supposed to do tomorrow?This doesn't feel like sadness. It feels like fear.What held me up my whole life did not hold this time.Someone I needed is gone · all 9 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.