Tao Yuanming
By Mistake I Fell into the Dusty Net
Know what you do not want first
Tao Yuanming, Returning to Dwell in Gardens and Fields I, c. 406
You cannot say what you want. What Tao Yuanming actually knew when he knew it was time to go.
What actually happened?
The first of the garden poems opens: from youth I was out of tune with the common world; by nature I loved the hills. By mistake I fell into the dusty net, and thirty years went by. Note the wording: not I always wanted to farm, but I was never suited to that. What he is sure of is the no. No rounds of greeting, no bending for five pecks of rice, not that net. What he wants, the poem says, is to clear ground on the southern moor and keep to his own clumsiness. He started from no and reached somewhere livable.
The no is answerable when the yes is not
Most people are stopped dead by what do you actually want, because it demands a positive answer. His route runs the other way: cross off what is definitely not wanted, and with the field narrowed the answer arrives by itself. People generally do know the no.
If you cannot list what you want, list three things you absolutely will not have. The roads left thin out fast.
By mistake, and no self-blame
Thirty years on the wrong road, and the word he uses is fell. Something he dropped into, not I was an idiot. Giving the past a description that carries no verdict is what frees your hands; a person still cursing those thirty years is standing inside them.
Looking back at a wrong stretch, I fell into it moves you forward better than how could I be so stupid.
Keeping to my clumsiness is a small enough target
He set himself no impressive new direction. He set keeping to his own clumsiness: not clever, not manoeuvring, farming and drinking and writing. A target small enough to be certainly reachable is what stops a person failing a second time on the new road.
Just out of one road, set the next goal small. Take one you can certainly hit, not one that sounds impressive.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: you cannot say what you want and you are sure this is not it.
Ask first: what are the three things I definitely will not have? What is left once they are crossed off? Is my next step small enough to be certain?
Where it goes wrong: reading it as settle for anything you do not hate. Keeping to his clumsiness was a considered choice, not a compromise. And the no is not the destination; it narrows the field, and you still have to walk the road.
Lines to keep
People generally do know what they do not want.
Give the past a description with no verdict in it.
Straight out of one road, make the next target certainly reachable.
Same situation, other people are asking
I can't name what I want. I can name what I don't.The thing I can't leave alone has no use I can point to.I genuinely cannot say what I want.Who do I want to be in five years?I don't know what I want · all 6 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.