Fan Zhongyan
A Quarrel About the State, Not the Man
If you will have to work with him afterwards, argue only the case
History of Song, biography of Fan Zhongyan (juan 314)
Your proposal was turned down by someone you will still have to work with. How did Fan Zhongyan set down a quarrel with the chief minister who sent him away?
What actually happened?
Fan Zhongyan presented a chart of officials to the court and pointed out which men had been promoted in order and which skipped ahead, accusing the chief minister, Lü Yijian, of favouritism. Lü told the emperor that Fan was sowing discord and building a faction. Fan was posted away to Raozhou, and three men who spoke up for him were demoted too. Later Lü returned as chief minister, and the emperor told Fan to let the old grievance go. Fan bowed and said his criticism had been about the affairs of the state, and he held nothing against Lü.
Argue the list, not the man
The chart had no insults in it. He laid out the register and sorted it: these were in order, these were not, this was done for the public good, that for private reasons. Anyone who wanted to answer him had to answer the list first.
In a review you reject a colleague's plan by saying the cost basis on page three does not add up, not that he always does this.
Own the cost of being right
The price was real: he was sent to Raozhou, and the men who spoke for him were demoted with him. Arguing the case does not mean escaping the consequences, and he did not turn round and run down the other side's character to recover.
You object openly in the meeting, accept that some people are cooler towards you this quarter, and do not go round the office complaining about him.
"No grudge" holds only if none was there
When Lü came back into office and the emperor asked Fan to forget it, his answer was that he had argued about state business and held nothing personal. That reply stood up because he had argued only the case; had a private quarrel been in it, Lü would have heard it.
Two people who shouted at each other over a budget can sit down together next quarter, because the shouting was about the budget.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: a colleague or boss turned down your proposal, and you will keep working in the same project.
Ask first: was what I said about this decision, or about my opinion of him? If someone else had made the same proposal, would I have said the same?
Where it goes wrong: treating this as "put up with it". Fan did not take back his criticism when he was sent away; what he put down was the personal quarrel, not his judgement of the matter.
Lines to keep
Argue the list. Anyone who wants to answer has to answer it first.
The cost of being right is yours to pay, not his.
He can say no grudge only because there was none.
Same situation, other people are asking
Do I push, or do I take the no?They turned my proposal down. Do I bring it back, and with what?Their reason changes every time and the answer never does.The no came back. I can't tell what shape it was.They said no to my plan · all 10 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.