Zichan
The Ring He Would Not Give
When they ask for little, remember that the first yes sets the price of every later one
Zuo Commentary, Duke Zhao, year 16
They want only one small thing. Why did Zichan refuse a jade ring to Jin's Han Xuanzi, and how did the envoy end up withdrawing his own request?
What actually happened?
Han Xuanzi of Jin, visiting Zheng, owned one of a pair of jade rings; the other was in the hands of a Zheng merchant. He asked the ruler of Zheng for it, and Zichan refused: it was not state property, and his lord knew nothing of it. Colleagues urged him to give way rather than offend a great state. Zichan answered that a great state's demands never end, so how long could Zheng go on meeting them? Yield once and refuse once, and the offence is worse.
Not state property, so not his to give
His first reason was authority, not mood: the ring was not the government's to hand over, and his lord did not know of it. When what they ask lies outside what you can give, say where the boundary is. It lands better than "I would rather not".
A client asks for another client's contact list; you say the list is not yours to share, not that you would rather not.
The first price is every later price
His colleagues counted the cost of one ring. Zichan counted the cost of the habit: if visitors from a great state get whatever they ask for, how long can that last? A yes followed later by a no offends more than a no from the start.
A client gets one free feature from you in the first quarter; by the next, as far as he is concerned, it is in the contract.
Quote the oath they both swore, and let them withdraw
Han bought the ring from the merchant, who said he must tell the officials. Zichan cited Zheng's old oath with its merchants: we will not seize from you, you will not turn on us. Taking the ring, he said, would teach Zheng to break it. Han withdrew.
The other side wants an exception; you point to the clause they signed themselves, not to how you feel.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: Someone is asking for a small thing that is not yours to give.
Ask first: If I give this once, what reason will I have to refuse next time, and is there a rule they have already signed up to?
Where it goes wrong: Treating it as "never yield to the big party". The ring was not the state's to give, and there was a mutual oath to cite; without both, refusing is just offending.
Lines to keep
A great state asks without limit. How long can a small one keep giving?
You would not take the jade and lose the lords.
Same situation, other people are asking
I have said this is my limit three times and nobody treats it as one.They cut what I asked for in half and told me to make it work.They price me like a big player, and I am small. How do I bargain?It is only a small ask. Why not give it once?They don't believe I mean it · all 4 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.