School Isn't the End of Play — Free Play Gets More Precious
Once a child enters full-day school, independent, unstructured play isn't replaced — it becomes scarcer and more important. It's the core way kids digest the stimulation of school and develop creativity.
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Full-day school doesn't mean play is over
Many parents worry that once a child enters a full-day program, play time gets squeezed out. Janet responds directly: no matter what kind of school a child attends, play doesn't end — it becomes more precious. She points out that from kindergarten age, children are fully capable of adapting to a structured environment, and can do it well. The key isn't the type of school, but whether parents preserve independent, unstructured play time after school. She even suggests that the heads of after-school care programs should set aside plenty of free play time, so children get a therapeutic release at the end of the day.
— Janet LansburyLetting go is a parent's lifelong work
Janet quotes Magda Gerber, noting that the hardest part of parental love is finding the balance between "holding tight" and "letting go." She sees this as the emotional work of parenting: trusting that the child can move on to the next stage. From infancy — allowing the child to move freely, to choose what to look at and touch — to handing the child over to someone else's care, to school, to driving, to college, every step is a letting go. She stresses that children need us to let go with confidence, but that doesn't mean parents can't have feelings. This mother's struggle is normal and healthy.
— Janet LansburyAfter-school programs shouldn't fill up free play
Janet observes that even when a child doesn't need after-school care, parents often feel they must schedule all kinds of enrichment classes — and none of those are unstructured play. She calls on the heads of after-school programs to set aside at least plenty of free play time, not all classes or guided learning. She cites Stuart Brown's book "Play," noting that play is "an engaging, seemingly purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and suspends self-consciousness and a sense of time." She argues that the capacity to play is essential not only to happiness, but also to sustaining social relationships and becoming a creative, innovative person.
— Janet LansburyAfter school: downtime first, then homework, then screens
Janet offers a concrete arrangement: after school is mainly downtime — not screen time, but at least an hour or two of free time, letting the child do things that look like "doing nothing," or sink into their own hobbies, or even just space out and process emotions. She suggests that as children get older and have homework, give free time first, then homework, and after homework is done, screen time if they want it. She stresses not using a threatening tone of "you can only do that after you do this," but calmly presenting "this is just how things work."
— Janet LansburyHomework is between the child and the teacher
Janet advises parents not to turn homework into their own task. She sees homework as the work between the child and the teacher; parents can help and be present to encourage, but shouldn't take on the responsibility of "getting the child to finish homework." She has seen too many parents stuck in this position, where the homework becomes the parent's homework. If the child truly can't finish it, she suggests letting the teacher know, and letting the teacher and child adjust it, keeping the responsibility between the child and the teacher. She also thinks kindergarten assigning homework is too early.
— Janet LansburyPlay looks like goofing off but it's building the brain
Janet quotes a passage from her new book "Baby Person": play is studied, discussed and recommended with great enthusiasm by child educators and psychologists, and for good reason. Through this intrinsically interesting activity, children expand their minds and abilities in wondrous ways. Even when play looks like nothing but goofing off, it's working magic, activating cognitive, motor, social, creative and learning skills such as critical thinking, problem solving and focus. Play is also a natural therapeutic tool, helping to unload stress, digest experiences and process emotions.
— Janet LansburyThe list of capacities free play teaches children
Janet shares a list of what children learn in self-directed play: making choices, devising strategies, understanding how things move, making and carrying out plans, solving problems creatively, learning the properties of objects and materials, tolerating frustration, resolving conflicts with objects and other children, taking initiative, focusing and persisting, meeting challenges with spontaneous and fresh responses, abstract thinking and hypothetical reasoning, self-motivation, being internally directed, cause and consequence, satisfaction in one's own effort, perseverance, processing emotions, being with oneself, trusting one's own judgment, self-reward, focus, autonomy, love of learning, understanding, following intuition, curiosity, dreaming, imagining, understanding the world. She tells this mother that her child can still get all of this and more in the precious gaps of time.
— Janet LansburyIn their own words · checked verbatim
Most people associate parental love with the easy solutions of holding, nursing, cuddling. What is much more difficult is to find the balance between holding on and letting go.
Janet Lansbury6:11
I've found that remembering what play is all about and making it part of our daily lives are probably the most important factors in being a fulfilled human being. The ability to play is critical not only to being happy, but also to sustaining social relationships and being a creative, innovative person.
Janet Lansbury11:20
Remember the definition of play, an absorbing apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and a suspension of self-consciousness and sense of time. It is also self-motivating and makes you want to do it again.
Janet Lansbury12:24
We may think we are helping to prepare our kids for the future when we organize all their time, when we continually ferry them from one adult-organized, adult-regulated activity to another. And of course, to some degree, these activities do promote culturally approved behavior, as well as reinforce our roles as, quote, good parents. But in fact, we may be taking from them the time they need to discover for themselves their most vital talents and knowledge.
Janet Lansbury13:28
Even when play looks like nothing but messing around, as it often does, it's working its magic, activating our children's development of cognitive, motor, social, creative, and learning skills like critical thinking, problem-solving, focus.
Janet Lansbury17:40
For this type of play to flourish, we first need to imagine that babies are capable of it. We'll need to believe in them as people with ideas of their own.
Janet Lansbury18:44
Glossary
- unstructured play
- Play where the child decides what to play and how, with no adult-set goals or rules.
- downtime
- Time after school with no scheduled activities and no screens, letting the child relax freely or space out.
- self-directed play
- Play the child initiates and leads, with adults not directing its course.
How to listen
Parents of preschoolers or young children, especially those weighing whether full-day public school squeezes out their child's play time.
The opening letter-reading section can be skipped; start listening from 05:05.