Guiguzi
Sounding out what he wants
Measure at the peaks, not in the middle
Guiguzi, Weighing and Sounding
What a person says day to day and what he actually wants are rarely the same. This asks when the reading comes out true.
What actually happened?
The Weighing chapter is almost coldly specific about timing. Go to him at the height of joy and press on what he wants, and having wanted it he cannot hide it; go to him at the height of fear and press on what he dreads, and having dreaded it he cannot hide it. The Sounding chapter supplies the matching technique: rub gently along the line of what he wants, test and probe, and the inside answers. Not an interrogation. A light touch, and then watching.
What people say at rest is edited
In a level state a person says what he believes he ought to say. To reach the real preference you have to watch when there is no attention left over for editing: very pleased, very frightened, very tired. Not manipulation. Choosing the observation window.
What someone says offhand about the next step at the celebration dinner beats anything in the formal meeting. So does what he said the night it broke.
Touch lightly, then watch the reaction
Sounding means to rub, not to press. Put out a small hypothesis that can be denied at no cost, then watch the direction and the speed of what comes back. The reaction is the answer; the content of the reply matters much less.
If we moved this two weeks later, would that be hard? Whether he starts calculating or first asks why tells you two completely different things.
Use it to understand, not to work someone
The method plainly invites manipulation, and he says himself that the sage works in the dark. The larger value is in reversing it: knowing when other people are unguarded tells you when you are, and big decisions do not belong at either peak.
Long contracts signed the week the funding landed have a high rate of regret. The useful response is a cooling-off rule you apply to yourself.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: trying to work out what the other side actually cares about.
Ask first: the information I am holding — what state was he in when he gave it to me?
Where it goes wrong: pointing it only outward and never at yourself; or turning the light touch into an interrogation, which spends the relationship in one go.
Lines to keep
Approach him at the height of joy and his wants show.
Rub gently at what he wants, and the inside answers.
The sage works in the dark; the fool works in the light.
Same situation, other people are asking
If this is wrong, is there a way back?It starts on Monday and I'm bracing myself. Is that the problem?I think I know them well enough. Do I know my own side?There is no undo on this one. How long should I stand at the edge?A decision I can't undo · all 11 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.