Maria Konnikova
The con artist does not build trust
He uses the need you already have
The Confidence Game, 2016
The first question after being taken in is how could I be so stupid. That question is itself the wrong one.
What actually happened?
Konnikova worked through a large number of cons and arrived somewhere counter-intuitive: the con artist does not manufacture trust, he finds a need you already have and uses it. The opening stage, what the trade calls the put-up, answers three questions about the mark. Who is this person, what do they want, and how does that want get me what I want. So the hinge is not intelligence, it is whatever you happened to be short of at the time. Which is why the educated and the worldly are on the list too.
Ask which want it answered
When an offer moves you, hold off on whether it is true and ask why it lands now. The answer usually points at whatever you were most short of. This order matters, because checking gets steered by wanting and you go looking for what supports it.
People desperate to recover a loss are the ones who meet guaranteed high yield. That is not coincidence, it is selection.
Being taken in is about circumstance, not intelligence
Filing it under I was stupid does two kinds of damage. It is inaccurate, and it makes the story too shaming to tell, so the same con keeps working on the next person. Filing it under what was I short of produces something you can actually change.
The line victims say most often is that they are not normally like this. It is usually true.
Rules beat vigilance
Vigilance fails in the presence of wanting, because wanting is the thing eroding it. What works is a rule set in advance: above this amount, sleep on it; a second person has to look at it; there has to be an independent source. Made cool, applied hot.
Anything over this figure waits a day before I sign it. That single rule has saved more people than any talent for reading faces.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: somebody has made you an offer that is hard to refuse, and something about it is off in a way you cannot name.
Ask first: which of the things you are currently short of does it answer? If that is obvious, that is the warning.
Where it goes wrong: turning it into trusting nobody, which is its own disability; or using it to blame someone already conned, when the whole argument is that this is not about intelligence.
Lines to keep
The con artist does not build trust. He uses the need you already have.
Who is this person, what do they want, and how do I use it.
What gets used is the wanting, not your judgement.
Same situation, other people are asking
It happened once and now I don't trust anyone.I keep giving him one more chance.I have the proof of who wavered. Do I go through it?I was taken in and I can't see how I missed it.I trusted the wrong person · all 4 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.