Xu Xiake
Carrying Jingwen to Chicken Foot Mountain
When a companion falls on the road, finish the thing he wanted, his way
The Travel Diaries of Xu Xiake, Guangxi and Yunnan diaries
Someone who set out with you falls halfway. Do you still go where he wanted to go? How Xu Xiake treated the wish of the monk Jingwen.
What actually happened?
In the autumn of 1637 the monk Jingwen fell ill at a temple in Nanning. Xu had to move on, but Jingwen kept asking him for shoes and tea: he still meant to recover and reach Chicken Foot Mountain in Yunnan. Xu reasoned that to assume he would die, and plan to come back for his bones, was not what Jingwen wanted. So he left him the shoes and the tea, and said goodbye. Jingwen died the next day. Xu drew lots before a Buddha on whether to carry the remains, drew 'take them', and carried them for a year to the mountain.
Do not decide the ending for him
Jingwen was gravely ill and Xu had to go. Staying to wait was not what Jingwen wanted, and neither was quietly preparing to collect his bones. Xu did what Jingwen asked for: shoes and tea, so he could still think about the road.
An ill parent still talks about one more trip. You need not say it will never happen. Buy the walking shoes first.
See the cost before you say yes
Carrying a dead man's bones across three provinces meant trouble at every turn. He hesitated, asked about the obstacles, and only then decided. A promise made after counting the cost is one you can carry for a year.
Before agreeing to finish a departed colleague's project, ask how much is left and how many weekends it will take.
Do the version he wanted
He went to Chicken Foot Mountain, the place Jingwen had wanted, not any mountain on the way. He hung the bones among the old plum trees of the temple, agreed a burial site with the monks, and later climbed up to pay respects.
Sorting a late father's things, follow what he said he wanted, not what you think looks most proper.
How do I use it today?
Where you are: someone who set out with you has fallen, and nobody will ever check whether you finished what he hoped for.
Ask first: is this what he wanted, or what I think should be done? What will finishing it cost me, and do I accept that?
Where it goes wrong: finishing it for your own peace of mind, in your own preferred version. Xu went to the mountain Jingwen wanted, not to a convenient one on the way.
Lines to keep
To plan to come back for his bones was not his wish.
The monk led me to where the bones lay. I bowed and wept.
Same situation, other people are asking
Everyone is waiting to see me grieve properly.She's gone. What am I supposed to do tomorrow?This doesn't feel like sadness. It feels like fear.What held me up my whole life did not hold this time.Someone I needed is gone · all 8 questions →If this one named what you are going through,
send it to someone who needs it, or keep it somewhere you will find it again.