The world is too loud. Read what matters.

You're Dead to Me

Constantine was baptized on his deathbed, and the Nicene Creed was a compromise

He was baptized only on his deathbed, by an Arian bishop; the Nicene Creed was a compromise on the Father and Son being of the same substance, not his personal creed.

Roman historyChristianitysource criticismTetrarchyforgery

The video won't play here. Listen to the audio instead:

The comedian guests joke throughout and dilute the history, but the parts on source bias and the forged Donation of Constantine are worth hearing.

The argument · tap a timestamp to hear it

5:05

Every source about him is taking a side

Lucy Grigg says the problem with sources on Constantine is not that there are too few but that they are too polarized: there is the biography by Eusebius of Caesarea, the account by Lactantius, and material written shortly after his death, but the pro-Constantine side beautifies some things and omits others, while the opposing side may invent things out of thin air. Religious bias runs through all of it. This means that any narrative about why he converted or why he killed his wife and son has to start with the question: which side's version is this?

— Lucy Grigg
6:07

His mother may not even have been a Roman citizen

His father Constantius was a soldier from Moesia (modern Serbia), and his mother Helena came from ancient Bithynia (roughly modern Turkey). Ancient sources describe her with the word vilissima, meaning utterly lowly, utterly ordinary. She may have worked in an inn, as a barmaid, a stable hand, or a sex worker; it is unclear whether she was a Roman citizen, and she may even have been a slave. Whether the two were formally married is also unclear; some sources call her a concubine. Constantius later abandoned her for a political marriage, taking Theodora, the daughter or stepdaughter of the emperor Maximian.

— Lucy Grigg
9:13

The third-century crisis is why the Tetrarchy existed

For about fifty years before 284, Rome fell into a full crisis—political, military, economic, religious—with problems on every frontier. The number of emperors depends on how you count: about 25 is usually accepted, and close to 50 if you include all claimants. Being Roman emperor was dangerous; they were constantly murdered, and in one year there were six emperors. After Diocletian came to power in 284, he set up the Tetrarchy (a modern term): two Augusti plus two Caesares, dividing the empire in two and then in two again, buying a period of relative stability—but not for Christians in the East.

— Lucy Grigg
19:31

He escaped back to his father by changing horses and taking detours

Galerius kept Constantine at court as a hostage and sent him on dangerous missions, such as fighting beasts one-on-one. Constantius was fighting the Picts in northern Britain and asked for his son to be sent to him. Galerius first agreed and then went back on it, but by the time the order was issued Constantine had already fled. He took the cursus publicus (the official courier road system), changing to the fastest horse at every post station and laming the rest so no one could catch up, and he deliberately avoided Severus, who had been chosen as western Caesar, taking a long route to join his father in northern Gaul and then go on to Britain together.

— Lucy Grigg
30:41

There are two versions of the Milvian Bridge vision

On the eve of the battle in October 312, legend says Constantine saw a cross-shaped sign in the sky, the first two letters of the Greek Christus, along with the slogan "conquer by this," and so had the Christian symbol painted on his soldiers' shields. But Lucy points out that even pro-Christian authors contradict each other on the version; more awkwardly, an official panegyric from 310 says Constantine saw a vision of the pagan god Apollo and won because of it. So the question becomes: how many visions did he actually have? Was he sincere? But whether or not you believe it, he did subsequently do a great deal very quickly to support the Christian church.

— Lucy Grigg
32:42

The Nicene Creed was a compromise, not his declaration

The Council of Nicaea in 325 had to deal with the dispute over Christ's nature, the relationship of Father and Son and the Trinity, aimed at the so-called Arian heresy (named after the priest Arius). The Nicene Creed that emerged from the council compromised on the Father and the Son being "of the same substance." Lucy says Constantine clearly thought he understood some theology by this point, having already intervened in disputes between hostile Christian factions in North Africa. But note: the bishop who presided at his deathbed baptism was the Arian Eusebius of Nicomedia, which contradicts the position of the Nicene Creed—an inconvenient fact.

— Lucy Grigg
38:47

Why he killed his wife and son is still unknown

In 326, Constantine executed his eldest son Crispus, and his wife Fausta is said to have been steamed to death in an overheated room in a Roman bath. Lucy stresses that we do not know why the two were killed or whether the two events are connected. Pro-Constantine sources are completely silent about it, while the opposing side says they were eliminated because of an incestuous relationship between stepmother and stepson—and incest accusations were a standard ploy for destroying enemies in the Roman world. So this "reason" may itself be a slander template rather than a fact.

— Lucy Grigg
52:13

The Donation of Constantine is one of history's famous forgeries

The bishop at his deathbed baptism was the Arian Eusebius of Nicomedia, which does not fit the Nicene Creed. So a new story appeared: that he was baptized by the more respectable Roman bishop Sylvester. This story grew into one of the most famous historical forgeries—the Donation of Constantine: Constantine contracted leprosy, was cured by Sylvester, converted, and granted the bishop of Rome supreme authority over the church throughout the world, as well as secular rule over Rome and surrounding territories. This document was cited for centuries between church and state and between the eastern and western churches, until the 15th-century Renaissance humanist and priest Lorenzo Valla proved it was a forgery.

— Lucy Grigg

In their own words · checked verbatim

There's the pro-Constantine sources. They embellish some things, leave other things out. And then there's the sources that probably make all kinds of other things up.

Lucy Grigg5:05

The ancient sources describe her as, one describes her as vilissima, which very vile, very common even.

Lucy Grigg6:07

And, awkward fact, there is a speech from two years earlier, 310, an official speech of praise about Constantine, which says that he had seen a vision of a pagan god, Apollo, and had a victory.

Lucy Grigg31:41

So, the way Christian heresies work is if you win, you name your opposing version a heresy and then you name it after a person.

Lucy Grigg33:42

Which is sort of a standard slur in the Roman world, right? Yeah, absolutely. That's how you destroy your enemies is you say they've been sleeping with the wrong person.

Lucy Grigg39:51

And this then becomes part of one of the most famous historical forgeries of all time, the donation of Constantine.

Lucy Grigg53:17

But guess what? Of course, as I've said, it's a forgery and it doesn't get uncovered until the mid-15th century. A Renaissance humanist and indeed priest, good for him. Lorenzo Valla proves that it was a forgery.

Lucy Grigg54:19

Figures

Number of Roman emperors during the third-century crisisabout 25 usually accepted, close to 50 including claimants9:13
Number of Roman emperors in a single year610:13
Date of the Battle of the Milvian BridgeOctober 28, 31227:38
Year of the Council of Nicaea32532:42
Time taken to build Constantinople6 years42:00
Completion of ConstantinopleMay 33042:00
Total height of the bronze statue column of Constantinenearly 40 meters42:00
Age of Helena at deathabout 8046:05
Age of Constantine at baptismabout 6547:05
Fall of the Western Roman Empire470s51:13

Glossary

Tetrarchy
The system established by Diocletian after 284, with two Augusti plus two Caesares dividing the empire.
cursus publicus
The Roman Empire's official transport and courier network, which Constantine used to change horses and escape.
Nicene Creed
The statement of faith produced by the Council of Nicaea in 325, whose compromise was that the Father and Son are of the same substance.
Donation of Constantine
A forged document claiming Constantine granted the bishop of Rome ecclesiastical and secular power, exposed as a forgery in the 15th century.
Arian heresy
The Christological dispute named after the priest Arius, in response to which the Nicene Creed was written.

How to listen

Who it's for

Listeners interested in Roman history, early Christianity, or source criticism; anyone who wants to understand how history gets forged and how people pick sides.

Skip

The comedian banter and the quiz segment can be skipped; the historical information is concentrated in Lucy's segments.