懂了道理还是会吼孩子，她把同一个工作坊重复上了五遍

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I was just so so angry! I feel this hot thing coming out from my gut here and Malaya started crying because she felt that energy, and I felt very guilty about that.

我当时真的非常非常生气！一股滚烫的东西从胃里冒上来，Malaya 感受到了那股情绪，吓哭了，我为此感到非常内疚。

Iris11:30

out of the blue Malaya asked me, “Mama, why are you always angry?” And the way she asked was really significant to me because she asked out of curiosity.

Malaya 突然没头没脑地问我：「妈妈，你为什么总是生气？」她问的方式对我来说意义重大，因为她是出于好奇才问的。

Iris11:30

I like to think of my four or five times in the workshop, as I like to imagine myself as like a horse trainer. And the process of taming my own trigger is the wild doors. And so the first few times were just about me getting into the saddle.

我把自己这四五次参加工作坊想象成一个驯马师，驯服自己触发点的过程就像驯服一匹野马，前几次只是学着坐进马鞍而已。

Iris14:46

you said something about, like, touch the surface of the kitchen counter, not me, but the computer was on the kitchen counter. The smoothness just brought me back and so that sort of halted the runaway train.

你当时让我去摸厨房台面——不是摸我自己，是摸放在台面上的电脑。那种光滑的触感把我拉了回来，也拦住了那列失控的情绪列车。

Iris22:07

I muted my zoom thing, I just left out this like, very primal scream that came from here, and I was just like, it felt good.

我把 Zoom 静音了，然后发出了一声非常原始的尖叫，那种感觉——就是感觉很好。

Iris22:07

Mama, I don't think that teachers will do that because first of all, that's mean. And second, were children. And I don't think they will replace me.

「妈妈，我觉得老师不会这样做，首先这样很刻薄，其次我们是小孩，我不觉得他们会把我换掉。」

Iris36:38

if we think about it, is it really respect? Isn't it more fear? It's not really respect that we're feeling when our parent is trying to coerce us into doing something because that's the only tool that they have, right?

如果仔细想想，那真的是尊重吗？会不会其实是恐惧？当父母只能靠逼迫孩子做事时，我们感受到的根本不是尊重，因为那就是他们手里仅有的工具。

Jen Lumanlan38:41

I think of the taming your triggers workshop as you are not giving a formula. I wish there was some kind of magic formula. But of course, it would probably be easier and you will be a millionaire. What I was getting was not a formula, but more of a recipe, and a recipe for cooking.

我觉得「驯服触发点」工作坊给的不是一个公式。我倒希望有某种魔法公式，那样会更简单，你也会靠它发财。我拿到的不是公式，而更像是一份食谱，一份烹饪的食谱。

Iris46:51

数字与实体

术语

window of tolerance耐受窗口

情绪调节的安全区间，饥饿疲惫会让它变窄，一点刺激就情绪失控。

non-cognitive shift非认知转变

发生在身体层面的改变，区别于读懂道理的认知层面理解。

ACE童年不良经历量表

用于评估童年创伤程度的问卷打分。

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