孩子事事請示，問題不在孩子而在完美主義

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原話 · 已逐字校驗

I grew up in a family where the motto was be the best. And of course, I couldn't be the best at everything, academics, sports, music, art, so from a very early age, being the best was paired with you're not good enough in my brain and my body.

我在一個以「做到最好」為格言的家庭長大。我當然不可能樣樣都好——學業、體育、音樂、藝術，所以從很小起，在頭腦和身體裡，「做到最好」就和「你不夠好」綁在一起。

Sara6:02

So he would feel like doing art, but he would come and ask me, oh, can I grab the markers? And that was very alarming to me, because we have, he has his yes space, his shelf with all of his supplies. And before preschool, he would just go grab whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

他想做手工，卻跑來問我「我能拿馬克筆嗎」。這讓我很警惕，因為家裡有他的 yes space，他的架子上全是他的東西；上幼兒園之前，他想拿什麼就拿什麼。

Sara7:58

You asked, who is the child in front of you? And I've been asking myself that every time that I find myself questioning my values. You also said, what are your core values? So like always coming back to that, to the core values.

你問我：「你面前的孩子是誰？」每次我開始懷疑自己的價值觀，我就會問自己這個問題。你還說：你的核心價值觀是什麼？所以總是回到那裡，回到核心價值。

Sara11:04

I was convinced that setting impossible expectations and standard for myself was what got me to where I am now. It had actually worked pretty well for me.

我曾經深信，給自己設定不可能的標準，才讓我走到今天。這確實對我挺有用。

Sara14:56

for me, it's all in in the process. So through the membership, we learn about how learning happens and how a child observes patterns, theorizes and extrapolates based on those patterns, and kind of applies what he's observed before to new things that he sees out in the world.

對我來說，一切都在這過程裡。通過會員課，我們瞭解學習是怎樣發生的：孩子觀察模式、提出理論、基於模式外推，並把之前觀察到的用來理解世界上新的事物。

Sara29:25

And I launched into expressing my frustration, but instantly realized that this is a great problem-solving opportunity. So I changed my tone kind of a halfway I started by “Sommy, I told you not to tear it off, but you did.” Then pause for a millisecond, and I went, “what can we do so the cheese doesn't go dry?”

我正要開始表達不滿，但立刻意識到這是個解決問題的好機會。於是我話說一半換了語氣，先說「Sommy，我告訴過你別撕開」，停了一瞬，然後問：「我們能做什麼讓奶酪不幹掉？」

Sara35:19

I would tell her that you don't know yet, what is actually most important a year ago, I thought what's most important is reading, writing and arithmetic. Now I truly believe that the most important skills that Som can learn are creative problem solving and metacognition.

我會告訴去年的我：你還不知道什麼才是真正重要的。一年前我以為最重要的是閱讀、寫作和算術；現在我真的相信，Som 能學到的最重要技能是創造性解決問題和元認知。

Sara51:26

數字與實體

術語

lantern consciousness燈籠意識

Sara 借用的說法，指孩子像燈籠一樣慢速而均勻地吸收信息，並連接想法。

yes space安全自由區

家裡劃定的安全區域，孩子可不經詢問自由取用物品和活動。

learning exploration學習探索

由孩子興趣或問題出發、成人提供支持的探索過程。

scaffolding腳手架

成人根據孩子已有認知提供剛好夠用的支持，不替他完成思考。

metacognition元認知

對自己思維過程的覺察與調控，例如意識到自己怎麼思考。

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